Ecdysiast
by KirasTastefulTragedy
Summary: He told himself he was returning to Edge now that he was stronger to restart his life anew, he swore to himself he wasnt returning for 'him' but like he'd been saved by him once, now it was his turn to return the favor.  Gift fic for Princess Turk. Yaoi!
1. Where we come from

Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy character or FFVII places, terms…etc…

Warning: …. Yaoi content suggested, language, talk of abuse, hurt, angst

"Ecdysiast"

Chapter 1: 'Where we come from'

The rain was falling. It was an even and steady rhythm all over the outskirts of Edge. It had begun raining a couple hours earlier, and everything was thoroughly drenched equally all around. The dark building that stood on a corner where one slightly busy street met a quiet dark and dank alley was mostly dark. Only a couple of windows were faintly lit, but their light didn't reach the lone figure that leaned against the stone façade, hiding away unsuccessfully away from the rain.

A lean man pressed his side against the cool damp surface of the stone. He stood in the deepest recess of shadows in hopes of staying away from the main sight of anyone passing by in this god awful night, but also in hopes of staying slightly dry. Though the air was damp and the outcropping of roof above him held not much relief from the soaking rain.

He looked at his hands, they were shaking, but he took note mentally of the many tender and sore parts of his body. Not to mention the blood. Which wound or wounds was it coming from. A dry and brittle laugh escapes him "That Fucker messed me up good this time… 'He' won't be happy bout it."

The man hunched his shoulders slightly even though his whole body was shaking. He hoped to keep the rain from hitting his cigarettes as he pulled him from his short brown leather jacket's pocket. His hands shook so hard that he almost couldn't raise one of the barely dry cigarettes to his mouth. He let his arm drop once he finally had it lit and sucked hard to get that first sweet wave of nicotine. The cigarette end slightly crackled as he inhaled so deeply.

With a shift of his body he leaned both shoulder blades against the stone now and stared at the rivulet's of water as the ran on the mix of pavement and dirt around his booted feet. His hair and more so his bangs now heavy with a mixture of rain and heavy damp air fell heavy in front of his vision, the vibrant red hue making everything else in his vision seem bleak and colorless. Hell… It was, this was edge we were talking about. Not much for vibrant color to be found, and not much happiness anymore either.

"Guess I'd better head back… was this shit tonight even worth the pay…" His raspy voice sore like his throat was barely called out into the dark evening around him. He knew there would be hell to pay. No one could mark him this bad except 'Him'. The consequences lay heavy on him as he sucked the last of the cigarette in quickly and pushed off from this small asylum he'd acquired for himself and headed out into the ever blooming night.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The sky slowly was smudging it was from a dusky grey to more charcoal tones along the skyline though the hard lines of the city of Midgar or what was left of it could still be clearly made out. The faint colors of lighted windows could barely be made out because of the low laying fog. But He knew it was all here

The silent man sat on his bike on the outskirts of the city's edge, overlooking the newer town that he was returning to for the first time in a couple of years. His bike was off, as he sat staring out at the bleak panoramic in front of him. As if the sky and city's color's and lines could be read like the brushstrokes in a painting and it would be readable as his direction in life. Where to turn? Was it right to return?

His clear and strong eyes narrowed to look off in the direction of the cliffs to the west. He was empty, nothing but a shell since he'd left. But he was also hardened in life now.

His stance astride the beast of a machine shifted; the leather of his charcoal, almost black outfit, creaking with the movement. He picks up his hand to clench it into a tight fist, the shifting creak also accompanying that movement, though the leather does not inhibit his movement in the least.

His thoughts shift like his stance. He'd better head on down. The night was getting colder and wetter. He'd better get the key to his place back from his friend. She'd sure be glad to not have to worry about the care of it, and be glad he was home. She and the couple of people who'd managed to keep spotty touch with him every now and again had been concerned about his absence for so long.

His eyes widened and he looked with longing towards the direction of town he was most familiar with. His thoughts suddenly tumbling around in worry and doubt. How was he? All this time, was he ok? His friends had assured him that his dear old friend was working, but they didn't know how he was truly holding up these days. Clouds fist tightened more, and his eyes narrowed again. How could he have gone to work for his ex? After what he did to me years ago…

The revving of an engine was barely heard before the bike peeled off of the bluff and headed towards Edge, the skeleton of Midgar overshadowing the soggy town still.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The rain still hadn't relented as two very soggy booted feet sloshed up to the meager steel and block building on the east side of Edge. It blended in so well with the surroundings, the whole town was like a monochrome scale and the inhabitants looked as if they blended in perfectly, save a very select few.

The lean man in the short brown leather jacket appraised the building from outside through the rain that trickled down his drenched bangs. He clenched his jaw and turned his burning gaze to the door. "Here goes fuck fer nothin." He spat out quietly, he'd started hating going 'home' a long time ago.

After finding the door locked, and having to use his key to get in, he visibly relaxed a little bit. He slowly made his way through the dim hallway towards the dining room. He found it just the way he'd left it. Of course he'd have to clean up after work, when didn't he. He looked at the empty bottle of bourbon that was now only a shattered mess in the corner against one of the cupboards, and he remembered with a shudder how he'd barely missed being the item it had impacted on.

Steeling himself away with an internal promise to clean it after a bath, he made his way through the kitchen and dining room combo, trying not to look at the dishes and cups that were also on his list to clean. He made it into the living room. No movement in there either, the TV wasn't even on, funny. Usually that was left on for 'his' return.

The pain was beginning to make him nauseous again and he was feeling faint as well. Trying to hide his limp and bloody hands, that his jacket didn't cover, he made his way into the office, the last place 'he' could be.

He opened the slatted door to find an empty and silent room. He made his way over to the bed to sit down and he noticed the smell from the night before. Shit, he'd better clean that up before his bath. He remembered now, being so ill yet having to sleep next to the mess of sick-covered sheets in the ball on the floor. Another shudder coursed through him. The living nightmare that was his hell, never ended. He needed sleep to survive. After how he'd been left it was a wonder he lived, many nights through, to see the dawn of another new day. Or rather, the dusk of a new night… Yeah, he 'lived' for the night. Too bad it was a romanticized notion by many. If only he wouldn't wake up one time… maybe…

He turned his head towards the left to the massive desk that housed all the many secrets of this 'home' as a piece of paper on the mostly bare surface, minus the phone, caught his attention. His insides churned a bit. That's why the apartment was empty. He felt the bile rise in his throat. What work would he be forced to take on after this.

But wait, relief became a soothing balm to the sudden attack of his stomach. If he was alone, then he'd have time to heal a bit and not have as negative consequences.

Making his way carefully to the desk and its plush out-of-character chair he sat down, giving his sore muscles much needed relief and picked up the paper. Shit…

Pulling out a cigarette with his very shaky hands still took some effort, but after lighting up he picked up the phone. He wanted to get it over with. Update… and give the outcome of tonight. It won't be pretty, it never is. But it will be over with, when the receiver is put back down. Yeah, he needed to hold onto that thought. His hands calmed slightly with the needed nicotine.

The phone was answered after only one complete ring. A deep and resonating voice on the other end was all that was needed to set his hands back to shaking. "Reno."

The one word, his name, he knew his place. "Yeah, that uh, job tonight." He still couldn't get over the fact that he'd been asked to do it. Normally he drew the line at Reno going home with clients, and even since he'd crossed his own line by asking Reno to go, this guy was so far from the norm…. All Reno could think was, things must be tuff to have him go to that man. "He wasn't good, man. But, I completed the job, like ya told me." He didn't know what else to say.

"Reno, I already received an update from a very angered 'special client' he is appalled with your performance. And was very unhappy." The deep and now darkened voice stayed cool to anyone who didn't know him, but Reno could hear the anger rolling off of him like waves of spirit fueled fire. He'd gone pale the moment the 'special client' had been mentioned, Reno should have known he'd find out.

"Reno, I expect tomorrow's work to make up for this special privilege, LOST!" The raised voice was what broke Reno's resolve. His glimmer of doubt suddenly seemed so much dimmer. The silence dragged on for a moment as a deep sigh sounded through the line. "Your master misses you… my pet… so make me proud, and be waiting for me."

The line went dead as Reno sat still, disgusted, and hollow. But as the seconds ticked slowly by his body screamed at him for rest. With a dejected and hurt feeling of ultimate loss he stood with a bit of difficulty as the now dry, blood cracked and pulled on his wounds and his muscles didn't want to be used.

If he was to perform tomorrow at all, he needed to clean up the apartment, and himself and get some rest.

A while later a very tired, and raw Reno laid down on the bare bed, having not a drop of energy left to make it, he pulled one of the folded sheets that he'd set on the edge for making it, over his arms and curled up as tight as he could on his side.

The tears and outcry's came as silent as a wraith. All that he had held inside himself was released. The fear of reprimand was still strong. So in the bitter silence of night he let grief rock him to sleep, alone with all his pain and fears, no one to hold him, or sooth him. The first night he'd sleep through in so long. And he'd sleep through tomorrow most likely as well.

Reno's last weeping thoughts before the nothingness swallowed him were of a time when he had comforting arms holding him as he cried….

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

Sitting in the darkened and mostly empty bedroom staring at his own reflection in the window… all he could do was reflect on what his friend had shared with him as they both went over to his dusty but still safe, flat. They'd tossed some casual talk back and forth but he knew it would be inevitable… she'd ask about why he'd returned, and inevitably it would turn to… if he'd want to know about Reno.

Leaning his head against the cool window he could have watched the rain still pounding Gaia all around him could maybe sooth his nerves, but then again, how could he stop thinking right now. His eyes would stare sightlessly off, his reflection in the pane showing the solemn lines that etched his slightly hardened face.

He could hear the conversation that had happened earlier that night as clear as if it was happening in front of him now, "You know Cloud, Reno adjusted to his situation well, or so we think. We don't really see him that often anymore." Tifa had rambled on about being busy and what she'd been up to for a while then, as Cloud followed her mindlessly around the dusty and barren flat that he'd sent her money regularly to keep paying on and to watch over it.

He'd watched as she pulled the dusty sheet off of the lone mattress in his bedroom, and then take the one off of his table and two chairs. She draped them casually over her arm she'd probably take them and wash them. Always being the mother hen for him.

He was almost startled, she must have stopped talking at some point as she'd walked around the large spacious bedroom that acted more like a living room, with the wide window showing the view of what was left of the city and also overlooking Edge. It was up a step from where his bed was, and open and spacious. It was the kind of place that could have great potential. "You know he works down at Gold Dust don't you? He's been working there since shortly after you left. I've never been down there, but, that's the word."

She kept that classic smile on her face as she'd walked over towards him always wanting to make him happy. But she lowered her free arm so that her hand rested on his shoulder, and it snapped him back into the now. He must have frozen in one spot when she'd begun talking about Reno.

"You're so sullen." She made a serious face and touched his cheek lightly. "Cloud, you're not alone, even though you think you are. But hey…dilly dally shilly shally right!" She used a dear departed friend's favorite saying. Then put her hands together and looked back towards the window. "Maybe you should head over to the bar, at least sometime. It might cheer you up a little, that's what it's for right" She had a grin and started pacing back and forth.

Cloud just looked at her with no emotion registering on his face except his slightly narrowed eyes, contemplating what she was talking about, or maybe wondering why she dared to have the gall and suggest it, or maybe … because he was …

"Well..." She continued. "It's such a big place… So I was thinking you could check, maybe catch a glimpse for yourself to see if he's fine. Relax a little. Then you'll just feel better knowing he's fine!"

Cloud was brought back to the dark, cold, and lonely room. With a scoffing grunt, he looked down at his hands. They were scarred now, so much had changed. He shifted so that one leg was laying straight on the floor and the one he bent up so that his arm could rest on his knee. Then turning back to the damp night's view. The city's lights were becoming brighter as the rain lessened. The view from up here was good at least.

His gaze shifted further in the distance to the shadows of what was left of a skeleton of a city. Midgar… so many memories. His mind drifted back to a time before everything changed.

Reno had always been there, he'd been the strong one. Cloud was 'delicate' always being hurt somehow, even when it was just in matters of the heart. Cloud smiled as he thought of the beautifully lit up smile. Reno's smile could pull him in and make him lose himself completely. And yet Reno never knew it.

Cloud had ended up in a relationship with a man he'd cared for quite a bit, but that man had loved him since he'd been very young. But, Reno always carried the largest part of his heart. And Cloud was too afraid to speak up, he never wanted to ruin what he had; His dear friendship with Reno, and his uneven relationship with his lover.

Everything in his life went to shit after that. His lover turned abusive, Cloud always suspected it to be because of his close relationship with Reno. But things got so bad… Cloud cringed at the onslaught of memories. Reno had helped him, given him the strength to keep going. He'd stepped up to the challenge, pulled Cloud away from that situation and nursed him back to strength.

That was when he'd vowed to get stronger, he wanted to one day, provide the same strength to Reno, that he'd shared with him. He wanted to protect his friend, instead of letting his dear friend hide him.

Then everything changed. As they lay on the hillside outside of the city one day, Reno turned to him with the most beautiful sparkling blue eyes and looked down at Cloud, blocking the view of the clouds they'd been watching dance across the afternoon sky. In that moment he'd declared his love to the blond man…

…Cloud shook his head… He couldn't think about that moment, not with being back here. He stared back towards the city again. Reno had kissed him… Angel's lips, he'd tasted…

That day though, he'd hidden everything he'd thought and felt for Reno, pushed him away… and told him they could never be together.

They'd fought. They'd fought bad. The despair and hurt that had flashed across that beautiful pale face was too much when it had happened, and even worse now to remember. Cloud looked down at his clenched fist. Knowing everything that happened, he'd live with regret the rest of his life.

That was the last day in any happiness that they spent together. He'd watched the his friend's angel face, shatter… and look at him like the sun had quit shining on Gaia. Watching Reno leave that day had broken his weak to begin with, heart.

The resulting effect… as Cloud had watched from afar, and through friends, and word of mouth… was Reno's loss of self, and change of direction in life had led him down a self destructive path and eventually to ending up in Cloud's ex's arms.

That was the last straw. Cloud approached Reno one day all alone. The red headed angel was bitter, so vile towards him. Cloud had broken down, told him the truth… but, as they say. 'Too little too late' The resulting fight had led to Reno pushing Cloud, and getting so physical that Cloud had to run away, he didn't want to lay a hand of harm on his only and dearest true friend…

"Reno…" Cloud bit his lip, Why was he getting choked up. It had been more than long enough.

That day, Cloud had made arrangements to sell all of his belongings. Less than a week later, it found Cloud handing his key to Tifa and said his goodbyes, keeping them curt. No one knew any details, but they had all watched the two change.

Cloud looked at his own reflection in the window. His new self wasn't weak, he was so much stronger, and better. He'd toughened up, he was talented now, not afraid of everything and unable to even help himself. No, he was a leader now. He thought about his bike, his pride and joy. Fenrir, that bike had soothed away MANY hours. Cloud chuckled half heartedly to himself. He was so different now. He fumbled with the package of cigarettes in his pocket, it had been a while since his last one.

He smoothly lit one up taking a long slow drag. Yeah, everything was different. A whole new person. Cloud leaned his head back against the window sill and closed his eyes. Tomorrow he'd begin work, and set up here at Edge, they could use him even more here than they could where he'd come from. Tomorrow he'd begin setting back up in this town. After all, this was his home, he belonged here as his new self even more than he did before. That's why he came back, start over, right… That's the only reason he came back.

~~~End Chapter~~~

Next chapter: "Where we are going"…

A/N: Here you are my sister-in-fanficcy-crime! ;) did ya catch our favorite line… hehe… couldn't resist.

Well ya'll… this story… esp this chapter has been a LONGGgggg time in coming. All detailed notes have been done for a while… and for some reason it just didn't want to be allowed to be completed in typing *chews nails* the rest had better not give me that much of an argument :P

Acid Black Cherry songs got me through most of this, a little bit of some Digimon music Oo; Weird.. I know… and some Carrie Underwood (she's nota fave… but definitely some pretty music)


	2. Where we are going

Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy character or FFVII places, terms…etc…

Also I do not own 'Miyavi' or the lyrics to his song "Ashita genki ni naara", nor do I own 'VAMPS', or the songs and lyrics "My first last", or "Revolution"… I only listen, and love them!

Warning: …. Umm… mature content? Ehheh… but no citrus…sorry. Also language, anger… angsty too.

Also be warned…. I cant remember if this was mentioned… but this is an AU story….

-[[[ BY THE WAY! I FORGOT TO ADD IN THE FIRST CHAPTER! THIS IS A GIFT FIC FOR MY DEAR FRIEND PRINCESS TURK… HOPEFULLY THIS IS RENO-RIFIC JUST FOR YOU GALLY!]]]-

"Ecdysiast"

Chapter 2: 'Where we are going'

"Huu" Cloud sighed loudly as he dismounted Fenrir. It had been a VERY long day, yet, quite successful. He had gathered quite a few customers, and visited many businesses. He'd gathered enough delivery potential to be able to relax and truly begin planning routes and a regular schedule.

He was headed into Tifa's diner. He'd get something to eat, and some coffee, and be able to sit down and plan things out in semi-peace and quiet. Normally the diner had been a place where a few regulars gathered and the few visitors came to eat on Friday and Saturday evenings. But overall was homey, and relaxing. Not to mention he figured he owed it to his friend to spend some time, and maybe even see if he could help her out some.

Walking through the old white wooden door, Cloud couldn't help but smile at the little tinkle of a bell hanging from the top of the door. It was so homey and informal really. The Diner was small but there was enough room for people to have a small visage of privacy between the booths. The smell of home cooking and fries hit Cloud's nose. It wasn't a nasty greasy smell either, it was comforting. But also the smell of fresh brewed coffee assaulted his senses; he needed some of that good strong java now.

A soft sounding radio played from the corner. Cloud smiled as he recognized the song. He'd always liked this one.

'I hope you are happy tomorrow…'

Cloud still smiled, though it was more sad. This song once had meaning to him…

'And we shall continue to change, without changing.

Ready go, Ready go…'

Tifa welcomed him with a large grin on her face as she worked on the soup of the day. Motioning him to join her up at the bar where he could watch her cook. They sat in companionable silence for a time. Cloud's mind was still drifting though…

'Walk through the wind with your shoulders high, smiling smugly  
And showing off your flat chest

"Don't go away"  
You say

But if you ask me  
"Why don't you come along?"

It's that simple.  
It's not that simple, right?

spring wind breathin' a breeze…'

There had only been a couple of people there, so Cloud made himself at home on the corner stool of the diner's bar. And Tifa had refused any help from him, smiling in her mothering way, and tilting her head, bringing Cloud a tall mug of coffee, and a cinnamon roll, even though Cloud didn't much care for sweets anymore. Sitting in peace Cloud relaxed as he picked at the icing free edges of the cinnamon roll he'd also worked on his log. Setting up times, dates, and transferring all his new contacts into it as well.

'Unchanging days, to the unchanging past  
Unchanging dream, to unchanging tomorrow  
Unchanging Me, to unchanging you

Let's stay here like this unchanging, ok?

spring wind breathin' a breeze  
spring wind breathin' a breeze  
spring wind breathin' a breeze…'

Cloud took a long gulp of the hot black coffee and smiled sadly again as the song wound down…

'The same old days, to a past you can't go back to  
The dreams you're always chasing, to the tomorrow right before your eyes  
A firmly standing me, to a smiling you  
Without hesitating, Together...'

After sitting there for a good hour Cloud had gotten up and insisted on helping Tifa carry in a crate of soda's from the back room and then load them into the cooler at the front. They'd hugged in a distant sense… no more cuddly close, frail Cloud… not anymore. Then Cloud made his way to his bike.

He'd made it a whole 3 blocks when he'd realized he forgot his log on the bar. Where was his head today? With a sudden flair he popped Fenrir on its rear wheel and spun the bike back the direction he'd come, leaving a streak on the dusty pavement as he went.

Cloud noted a dark sedan in the gravel drive as he walked up the steps to the diner. He opened the door to see a single patron in the diner. He was a large build man, dark in tone. And was talking clearly to Tifa as she leaned over the counter completely at ease with the man.

"Honestly, I worry about him. You know what they are saying about him. I don't know if it's true. But I'm concerned about Reno, I just wish he'd let one of us talk to him. You probably shouldn't have suggested he go to…" The deep voice stopped abruptly when the man registered Tifa's face.

Tifa stood up from her perch on the bar biting her bottom lip with slight shock registering on her face. Cloud's face was blank, showing no sign of emotion. But obviously she knew he'd heard as he just stood there in the aisle between the booths watching the two at the bar.

"Tifa" He acknowledged with a nod, like nothing had happened. "Rude." He nodded at the stoic black man as he stood from his seat at the bar. "Been a while… forgot my book." Cloud said and headed to the end where he'd left the log book.

Rude, the ever vigilant friend, though usually the most silent immediately picked up on the situation. "Cloud, I'm sorry… I…" But was cut off by Cloud's voice.

"What do I care!" Clouds obviously pissed voice almost yelled. "I never asked you, or you!" He turned towards Tifa and clutched his logbook against his side. "Stop putting your nose… in mine, or anyone else's business! People deserve the right to make their own choices! You both can go SCREW yourselves for all I care. I didn't come back here for ANY of YOU… I came back to start of a business…. Now leave my life the FUCK ALONE!" Cloud stormed towards the front door, he'd just come in by a moment before.

Rude clenched up his fists and went to follow the very angry blond. But Tifa gently put her hands on his arms. Rude Blamed Cloud for Reno's slow demise. He cared deeply about his red headed friend, but couldn't get anywhere near the man since the day Cloud walked away from him 'for good' or so they thought. Reno didn't let ANYONE near him, friend-wise. According to him, the 'Reno' they knew…was dead… And the anger that was built up to the boiling point in Rude, was ready to lash out at the man that made it all start the ball rolling. The only thing that stopped him, as he turned and looked at the deep brown concerned eyes of the woman he cared about, was Tifa. She loved Cloud… and in her heart as she'd shared with him. They were both very broken; Reno, AND Cloud… So he let the blond storm away and peel out on his bike.

Tifa gently rubbed Rude's arm to try to sooth him. "They'll sort it out in 'their' time… We care for both of them really…" And Rude gently nodded, though he blamed the blond… he had always considered Cloud a friend as well. It was a sad situation but maybe Tifa was right. They'd sort it out eventually.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

Early evening found a very stiff and incredibly sore Reno slowly making his way to the back entrance of the 'Gold Dust'. His brown jacket hanging open revealing his shirtless chest, and Jeans that were more hole, than jean. They had large open area's barely stopping short of revealing him completely. His boots were wide open coming up over the bottoms of the tight and revealing jeans.

Reno's hair was a mess, barely pulled back with a clip on the back of his neck, more of it falling loose than contained. He had a half used cigarette hanging from the edge of his mouth and the lighter in his left hand clicking it as he slowly walked.

The door opened before he could get his hand on the handle even.

"How did I know…" Shalua backed up from the entryway to let Reno in. Who met her with a scowl.

"Mind your own business, I'm not in the mood" Reno hissed at her, but would never admit that he was Gaia-damned thankful that at least there was someone there for him. She mothered him at times, and at others acted like a complete snob.

"I don't like you showing up like this… and it's far too often that you do. Not to mention, you left with a patron last night, correct? This is becoming a habit…" She tsk'd then slowly led Reno towards a small dim room at the end of the hallway. "Come on… I was left SPECIFIC instructions to make SURE you were in shape for tonight… Boss don't want ANYTHING interfering with business tonight" She said bitterly.

Reno knew why she was bitter… she wanted to heal him all the time, but she wasn't allowed. They had the illegal 'cure materia' but were extremely careful, on who and when it was used. And sadly, many times Reno had shown up like this or far worse.

The room was dark and smoky. Reno exhaled and added to it. He was dreading the next part, as he lay down on the old couch they had in the room for this reason. Just the act of getting situated was torturous and painful. Reno barely had a chance to catch his breath as Shalua cast a green glow over him. It was better like that, like ripping a bandage off in one yank.

The pain, the torture… the grim reminder of every scrape, cut, bruise, and battered part, fusing, knitting back together. Reno would have screamed but his breath was stolen from him, the pain was so bad. Then just as quickly as the pain hit, a sense of euphoria swept over him. This was the only part Reno loved. The Cure material left you feeling high after its use. But the sheen of sweat and red almost burned look to his skin was the physical reminders of the pain, despite his euphoric condition at that moment.

Shalua didn't say another word as she replaced the green orb back in the safe it was housed in. She knew Reno would want some time alone. He would most likely need a drink, and a smoke. Before he'd have to get changed and get to work.

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The evening was young. The sun was setting, and the breeze was blowing. But as Cloud climbed the stairs with a bag of groceries and his pack from the bike he felt absolutely nowhere near as peaceful and beautiful as the evening looked and felt.

He'd ridden his bike for a couple of hours before admitting that he needed some food, and should probably get home. His apartment needed some cleaning and sorting.

Cloud sat the paper bag down on the empty counter and pulled the half gallon of milk and the carton of eggs out to place them in his bare refrigerator. The rest of the groceries were non-perishables so they could be left out for now.

Cloud made his way to the expansive bedroom with the marvelous view and sat his pack down next to the lone mattress. He went over and sat at the old rickety desk in the corner. He'd put off going through this since he'd remembered it the moment Tifa had left yesterday, yet it beckoned to him like a fly to honey.

As he opened the top drawer he sighed, and began rifling through various clippings, and achievement awards for his friends. He stumbled across one newspaper clipping that made his heart ache. There was the picture of a wrecked SUV and the small pictures of a young man with dancing blue eyes, and another of a good looking man with stunning green eyes. The headline on the cut out paper read: 'LOVERS MISSING: WRECKAGE FOUND" Cloud skimmed the article though he knew the whole thing by heart… It told of the two young men, gone for a weekend in the mountains. Obviously they wrecked on the mountain roads. Clouds eyes brimmed with tears at the memories. The bodies were never found. There was evidence that at least one of them had gotten out alive and most probably dragged the other out of the burning vehicle. But their trail was lost in the woods.

Cloud looked up at the last few streaks of pink and violet on the horizon. Zack and Sephiroth had been the closest friends that he and Reno had, aside from each other. When those two had finally fallen in love, or admitted their love it had been like a whole new world was born. The happiness that surrounded them had been infectious. Cloud smiled with tears barely staying contained in his eyes as he thought of those happy times.

When the two had gone missing, He and Reno had clung to each other and cried… they cried themselves to sleep and mourned their friends for days…weeks. Really, they had never gotten over the loss. But Reno and Cloud had survived and made a memorial to their friends... and would never forget them. It was shortly after that, that Cloud had turned to his 'now, Ex' and began dating him… Cloud shook his head. Not now. He didn't want to think about it now…

He shuffled through some more papers and came across a picture of he and Reno. It was one that Zack had taken of the two of them. The adoration and affection in Reno's eyes was so apparent now, to Cloud. He shuffled through more. So many fun times; Pictures of he and Reno covered in mud after trying to climb the cliffs outside the city. One of he and Reno setting up bottle rockets, and the after effects in the next picture. Cloud laughed out loud. The dust was everywhere in the picture from the rocket going off in the house before they had even made it out of the house. The flour had been a bitch to get out of everything.

He lifted up the next picture it's edges were worn and curled from him holding it so much in the past. The picture was one he himself had taken of Reno. Reno was laying on the grass next to a river they had gone to for an afternoon. Reno was all wet from swimming but his body glowed from the warmth of summer and the sun. His hair was hanging around his face. But the picture was mainly of his face as Cloud had ducked down in front of him as Reno was drying in the sun. The look of happiness and sadness mixed together in a longing glance of adoration at the camera. The twinkle in his eyes was beautiful. He was young and strong… and just… beautiful…

Cloud found himself stroking the cheek in the picture…

"Fuck! No!" Cloud half groaned, half cried… He needed to push these thoughts away. He needed to finish up paperwork for his new routes. He needed to get busy. How could he see him after… Do I even want to?...

"Could I take it?.." His voice trembled…

~~~{000o)]O[(o00o}~~~

The bar… or rather, the Club… was packed, and it was noisy. So crowded that it made Cloud want to turn right back around. The lights flashed and pulsed with the hum and thud of the music from somewhere further back in the business. Cloud was extremely self conscious though he shouldn't be. Trying to stay hidden in a crowd like this was dumb, yet no one was here that would recognize him anyway.

Cloud tried to not act too disgusted at the sleazy women that came up to him looking for tips and attention. Or the lap dancers that wore next to nothing. Though Cloud wanted nothing more than to run away from this place. He slowly made his way towards the back of the club where the music seemed to be coming from and it was a bit less dense, there were more men, and little to no women back here.

The slightly larger personal space allowed Cloud to really take in the environment. The place was actually quite classy looking for a club, or bar, or strip club, whatever the hell it was. The walls were a deep burgundy, with beautiful large gilded gold frames hanging on the wall, with very old styles of art, the pictures denoting lovers of all kinds in various activities, surprisingly quite tasteful really. There were long burgundy, gold, black, and brown drapes all over the place marking off rooms, divisions with the same room, or just for effect. It all felt quite gothic yet somewhat regal, really.

Suddenly the thudding style of music went silent and someone behind him was pulling a large set of drapes closed, obviously, as Cloud looked around, this was obviously the 'men's' section of the club. And it was easy to tell that something big was starting too, there were quite a few older, and obviously wealthy men in the pretty large crown that was gathering around a darkened platform, it was like a small stage, but far too dark with the only light now being some golden beams and strobes flashing lightly and in an almost slow and soothing beat before suddenly an almost Indian or Arabic sounding beat began to play along with a light guitar as well.

Cloud looked around as all the men in front of him gathered tightly against the raised platform, their eyes glued on a dark stage. As a haunting voice so smooth and warm began to sing.

"NOW, IT'S COMING TO AN END…  
THE FIRST, TIME, FOR ME…  
THIS IS THE LAST EMBRACE, OF MY LIFE…"

Slowly a dim golden light began to appear on a hunched figure in the center of the stage on the floor. But the voice was like a soothing balm to Cloud's soul… it was like a spell held him staring at the place on the stage that was growing lighter.

White lights, tiny ones began to flicker around the stage, like tiny stars flickering in the vast night sky, as the golden spotlight widened and brightened, revealing a hooded, cloaked figure. The cloak and hood were a satiny tan color, like coffee with cream in it. But the beautiful and very male voice continued to sing.

"ALL POINTS, ARE TIED UP IN A LINE…  
I'M UNDERSTANDING NOW…  
THIS IS, THE STRUCTURE, OF OUR WORLD…"

Very slowly and fluidly a lean, and fine, almost delicate yet long fingered hand and then arm came out from the cloak. Twirling fluidly, like waves, dancing. Just by itself was beautiful. There were golden rings on some of the fingers with delicate gold chains attached to them, twining and twirling around the wrist and forearm to a small band that they clasped to, just below the crook of the elbow.

The second hand slowly joined the first. Both weaving back and forth, it was like a story being told by intricate and flowing motions.

The person moved to lift their upper body, but the hood covered the face still. A leg lifted smoothly up, and sensually set, toe first slowly rolling flat to the floor, revealing soft leather flat soles with banded tan leather ties wrapping around the foot and up the leg, overlapping around and around the calf, tying off just below the knee.

Slowly the sensual dancer lifted, dragging the toe of the other foot to meet next to the first on the floor…

"I FEEL… WHERE THE WIND'S GOING…  
I FEEL… WHEN THE SEA EBBS AND FLOWS…  
I FEEL… HOW FAR THE LAND GROWS…  
MY SOUL, IS NOW ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE…"

Cloud suddenly placed it, even with the spell of the voice coming from this person on the stage, with legs and arms of golden, and a pure drug to Cloud… The style of dance, it was a close call to a traditional Kuchipudi Indian dance. The style was obviously deterred a bit because as the figure began to move side to side, and lifting on their toes, it was apparent that this was a man, of course… given the room and audience. The almost Sari style wrap, like a skirt was like a fan in the front, in gold and platinum tones with a little bit of red splashed on the some of the fabrics too. There were golden studs all along a belt-like wrap that held the Sari-like skirt barely on the hips, it was hung low, and you could see the flat and perfect belly of the dancer. Creamy and pale even with the golden lighting and obviously golden dust that was rubbed or sprinkled all over the person's body.

"NOW, IT'S COMING TO AN END…  
THE FIRST, TIME, FOR ME…  
THIS IS THE LAST EMBRACE, OF MY LIFE…"

The voice of the lean and lithe bodied dancer was making Cloud almost want to cry, he stood riveted in the back of the room that was closed off holding the beauty captive in the golden beams of light, swaying and dancing like it was truly the last thing in his life. The heart that was put into the lithe curls of the body, side to side was absolutely enchanting. Going up on the balls of his feet, swinging around his flowing his fingers, then arms and body in a circle, like flowing swirls of water, embracing the watchers hearts and souls along with his moves.

"I FEEL… THE CLOSE BOND OF PEOPLE…  
I FEEL… THE LOVE THAT I OVERLOOKED…  
I FEEL… SHARING IS BEAUTIFUL…  
MY SOUL, IS NOW ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE…" 

The man hummed as a sitar joined in almost magically, as the dancer pushed the cloak back off of his shoulders so that it hung at his back, his face still shrouded somehow in the satiny hood. But he twined his hands, the chains clinking and trickling on his forearms. Weaving them, reaching them up high, as his Sari slowly slid off. Cloud looked on the floor, the fluid movements had hidden the removal of his belt-like band.

His hips were barely hugged by a dim greenish-tan, almost khaki colored, tight pair of shorts, still with a satiny sheen to them. But it also revealed another chain around his waist that had other chains dipping under the shorts, obviously wrapping around the upper thighs, as Cloud could see the beautiful metallic chains twinkling in the lights and slightly biting into the lean legs of this beauty.

The music began to build up…

"AS THE END APPROACHES…  
A FLOOD… OF MEMORIES…  
THIS IS THE LAST THING I RECALL…"

The cloak had originally hidden a tee-shirt like golden jacket before. But now those beautiful hands, those flexible and elegant hands, and fingers… were undoing the jacket which was obviously closed by some hook type of fastener. And the jacket then, too, joined the Sari style wrapped skirt on the floor. Revealing a single band of matching fabric to the shorts, wrapped around the chest of the stunning body.

"I FEEL… YOUR LOVELY SINGING…  
I FEEL… YOUR TENDER SMILE FOR ME…  
I FEEL… YOUR INNOCENT HEART…  
I KNEW IT,  
MY LIFE WAS TO LOVE YOU…"

Cloud watched as the hair on the back of his neck prickled and his heart leapt for no reason at all, as the man delicately used his fingers to lift the hood slowly up, first revealing chiseled dark salmon colored lips forming the words.

Cloud gripped his hands into fists so tight that his knuckles turned white as the hood slowly revealed the nose and high cheekbones…

"MY SOUL, NOW RETURNS, TO THE UNIVERSE…"

The cloak billowed to the floor, as Cloud's heart utterly stopped. "Reno…" the whispered word hid the tear choked voice.

Reno's face was beautiful, pale, very faint shimmer to his skin still giving it a ghostly pale gold tone, it was more platinum than gold. There were two blood red streaks that looked either painted or tattooed on his cheek's directly under his eyes.

He spun slowly, twining his hands up in the air again as he did so, only this time, unencumbered of the cloak. As he spun Cloud could see the details of his figure and now his back as the stage lit up brighter with the music culminating on that last note. Reno's hair was long, much longer than Cloud remembered, it came down just past his taut backside, and it was smooth and shiny in a tight braid, the top of it looking to have yet more golden chains wrapped around it. Also a single bronze with gold dangle's on it, choker was around his neck.

But what truly caught Clouds breath was the stunning and absolutely breathtakingly beautiful red, like the marks on his face, tattoo, on the lower part of his back where it dipped in sensually above his shorts. It was a henna like, almost Indian style, intricate design. Swirls extending out towards his sides but also swirling around a circular styled center almost like a sun, the twining marks almost looking like a vine-ing plant reaching for the freedom of the sun.

When Reno stopped with his back turned to the audience, the music had also stopped and the stage went still and black for one brief moment.

The room suddenly went bright, with colorful red, orange, gold, yellow and white lights streaking along with heavy rock music blaring over the loud speaker above them.

The spotlight was white and aimed back on Reno only now he turned his face to look at the audience, you could see his face better now and you could make out the black eyeliner and stunningly deep ocean blue eyes. He was marching in place and rocking his shoulders but Cloud let his jaw drop as he saw what Reno was holding, he was hanging back from a pole, a stripper pole as he rocked and swung his shoulders and lifted his legs with a wide stance, to the music.

Cloud wasn't paying attention to the words or the song really, though he felt the beat. But the song still sang on in the background

'Hang.. on.. stomp everybody…'

Reno began swinging on the pole and spinning around smiling and grinning at the audience through lowered sultry lashes. His body, eyes, and smile sparkled.

'Change the world a rockin'  
You've got so many ways…

…  
Hey, don't worry..  
Chasing your calling  
You can go any way..

…  
Welcome to real life…

…

We're talkin' Revolution… Yeah…'

Reno was swiveling his chest and wrapping himself around the pole, he'd lift his leg up and trace down the pole and his legs with his fingers. Finally as the song beat on, He turned his back to the audience again with a wide stance and up on the balls of his feet again, you'd think he was wearing heels.

His fingers ran up from the center of his back where the shorts reached and ran them up his spine to grasp at the back of the band that was around his chest. It must close like a bra as he unclasped it easily with un hand and dragged it off to throw it to the pile of clothing as well. He rocked his body side to side turning his head and winking at the crowd as he went.

Cloud felt bile rise in his throat as he watched, he was enamored by the beauty in front of him, but sick to think it was his dear friend up there… using his body… doing this in front of all these men… Cloud wanted to cry and groan all at once.

Reno spun around and shook his chest lightly as he strutted around the stage again like a mimicked march. Cloud's mouth dropped open to see two gold hoops in very pink and pert nipples, with delicate chain strung between them like a necklace of sorts, it shimmered in the lights as he shook his chest again then lowered his hands to his shorts. Cloud hadn't noticed before but they had gold snaps up the sides because Reno ripped at them and off they came in one yank. He marched in place again before slinging himself at the pole again with an agile grace like that of a stealthy cat on the hunt.

'Hang.. on.. Stomp everybody…

Hang.. on.. Stomp Everybody…  
…

Its not the truth…  
Stop playin' the saint…'

Starve for more …  
Beg for more …'

All that Reno had on was a tight Red thong, the color of his hair and tattoo's it's waist band was actually more gold chain, interconnected to the chains around his waist and upper thighs. It was like he was in delicate golden bondage yet free and fluid like he wasn't withheld at all. A total contradiction as he swayed his backside and hips towards the audience and hung onto the pole to tip his head backwards till he was inverted looking at the audience almost upside down.

He swung slowly around again, the song went on for a little bit. The men in the audience were moving to the music, and some were dead obviously jacking off to the show, and Reno only urged them on with some 'come hither-like' movements with his fingers. He looked and smiled at all the men, without really looking at any of them.

Cloud honestly chocked and swallowed hard to keep from throwing up. He was disgusted. Disgusted that his friend had sunk to this. Yet sickened at his own reaction. He was harder than he'd ever been at the spectacle. He watched with feral hunger and lust like any one of the sicko's in the room, and disgusted sickening shame at the very fact that he was doing so.

With a few last jerking motions of his hips imitating very graphic displays the music died down and the spotlight began to fade as Reno bowed sexily and gracefully looking the audience over thouroughly and coming to the edge of the stage to let the filthy med tuck money into the edge of his thong like a disgusting whore would do, he glimmered and grinned as men felt him up and tried for more. Only reacting like it was a game and shaking his finger at them.

Cloud held back a moaning wail as the tears started to flow he threw his hand up to his mouth to stop the sound… but was too late. The sound immediately perked up the red head, his eyes narrowing and zoning in on the shock of blond hair retreating ona dead run past the curtains.

Reno flinched inside and out. Bowed once more and ducked behind the stage curtain to his back. Running as fast as he could he grabbed the pair of torn jeans he'd had on earlier that day and his brown leather jacket, throwing them on as fast as possible.

He didn't know what he was doing… never had he even thought it would be possible… but he knew that it had been him, what in the hell would he say to Cloud, why was he even running after him? He knew if he didn't stop the blond now he'd never have a chance to explain… but… what was there really to explain. Reno didn't even feel the burn of the tears as they started to fall, He ran as fast and hard as his legs could take him past the back entrance and into the cold dark and damp city night…

~~~End Chapter~~~

Next chapter: "Why did we leave"…

A/N: Ok…. Music I listened to for this. Miyavi, yui, Aerosmith, Vamps….. lol… lots of Miyavi repeats and VAMPS repeats.. love HYDE… SOoo much. And gackt, and yoshiki, and and and and… ummm… yeah I'm j-rocker obsessed, and have been for a while *rolls eyes* but what the heck does that have to do with this? Um… a lot! I'm tired…. I'll shut up

So yeah, this is a special fic… gift for Princess Turk, my dear friend. Your Reno drug dosage for the day ;) lol… hope its ok… but also… *hides* I believe I'm becoming quite into this and obsessing QUITE a bit… um… it may be my new big story…aside from 'My Road' It wasn't intended to be… but I believe it will be. I have a basic outline. But as I detail-d out the plans for the first few chapters it spread out… VERY detailed… and became deep… then became all angsty…

And…. Umm.. you all probably don't want to hear any of this *blush* sorry!

More to come! I am VERY anxious to move onto the next part… but also will be updating other ficcys too.. left a MAJOR cliffy on 'my road' and need to move forward ;) but also want to do more on others as well.

By the way…. I do not view Reno as a cross dresser… and have never written anything like this chapter EVER at all before. But for his 'profession' I wanted something other than the normal image for a male stripper. So… I did some research, used my imagination, inspiration from music.. and went from there. And yes, Kuchipudi is a REAL traditional Indian dance form. But done by WOMEN thus I had to improvise.. and do a somewhat feminine get-up for Reno… and well… I just liked it. So yeah, look up Kuchipudi on you tube and Wikipedia very interesting…

[Whoa… sorry for the long a/n… shutting up now…]


End file.
